Dr. APisms

My math professor is such a rad dude. He's Italian/Venezuelan and wears suits that look like they belong on an Indian rajah. However, by the far the best thing about him is that he is so damn quotable. You'd think a two-hour evening math class would be about as close to hell as you can get in this world, but with Dr. AP basically every other sentence is entertaining. The following are a selection of the best Dr. APisms to date. Keep in mind I've only been to one class. 

"I never look down on anybody unless I am looking down to help them rise up."

"I'm going to do my own thing- listen to the beat of my own drums."

"Sugar is POISON."

"I don't eat donuts. They'll KILL you."

"My notes are an extension of my book. My book is an extension of me."

"The problems are so hard they can break your knees."

"Financial mathematics is so hard it will break your....knees!"

"I can't offer you booze because it's illegal."

"Get a blood-orange scantron. Just don't bleed on it."

"Oh, that's me in Paris."

"A few years ago I cremated all my high school and college notes."

"I need 1 staple per homework packet- not five. Otherwise, my fingers will get punctured by the staples and I'll need to get another manicure."

"We're married to each other. We're legit."

"I have friends in law enforcement, so I borrowed a flame thrower."

"I'm a fencer. I fence. I use a sword. It's my weapon of choice."

"You do all the choreographed stuff and it looks nice, like the Matrix or something."

"Math is abstract, but you need to not be afraid of it, because you have me."

"I'm willing to do whatever it takes as long as it's legal. I have friends in Law Enforcement so I have to behave."

"If you have problems, who are you gonna ask? Not the Ghostbusters. Me. I am the Ghostbusters."

"A dog cannot speak. Not even in French."

Stay tuned for more Dr. APisms. May there be many more. 

Harvard Bound

Once upon a time, I was searching for my school's address for a job application (fun fact: that time was this morning. Also fun fact: I got the job). After asking the Google gods and learning it was 2701 Fairview Rd, I noticed a helpful little description box with helpful little reviews. 

The first review said something along the lines of horrible financial aid, but the next two caught my eye: 

"Excellent college.... the Harvard of community colleges."

"It's called the Harvard of community colleges !!!" 

Guys, I'm basically Harvard bound. 

Not only do I have new-found-almost-accurate bragging rights, but I also am feeling intense pity for all you poor people at Saddleback, Goldenwest, Fullerton, and all those other lesser colleges. You must feel horrible about yourselves. Also, how bad must your schools be if OCC is like Harvard?

This brings of other deep life questions. If OCC is Harvard and Harvard is nationally ranked number two, which school is comparable to the national champion, Princeton? Does anyone know? Is there even one? What if there isn't? If so, why can't we just call OCC the Princeton of community colleges?

There's really no point to this post besides letting you all know you can feel worse about yourselves because you don't go to the Harvard of community colleges. Unless of course you are an OCC pirate like me. If that's the case, please let me know so we can commune in mutual almost-Harvardness. If you go to the Princeton of community colleges, screw you go away don't talk to me. 

Hell, I'm so inspirational. 

In case you haven't realized, I take this sort of thing very seriously. I'm extremely competitive and demand nothing but the best (that's probably why I opted for gourmet white cheddar microwave macaroni and cheese instead of the normal orange. I'm so fancy). 

Ironically, I'm still at a community college. 

Since I really don't have anything more to offer on this topic, I'm going to end this post with a word from our sponsor:

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Community College Students are Dumb

Fun Fact: one of the first search results that comes up when you Google "community college students" is "community college students dumb." 

As a second-year student at Orange Coast College, I feel very offended. 

I mean, sure, there was that guy in my English class who, even after multiple entreaties from the professor to NOT write a paper on the history of yoga, wrote a paper on the history of yoga. Oh, and the kid that asked me just days before the semester started, "wait, do I need to get textbooks or something?" And we can't forget the guys that put on sunscreen inside the gym before their workouts so that it mixed with their sweat and dripped everywhere (come to think of it, maybe it wasn't sunscreen at all). Or my favorite, the kid who wore sunglasses inside the weight room and just walked around aimlessly singing to the music. 

Ok yeah some community college students are dumb. However, before we stereotype everyone, it's important to examine the facts: 

• Community College students have way less debt (I could look up the actual stats, but that requires way too much effort and you don't really care anyway). 
• This means we have more money for parties, over-priced frappucinos, and In-n-Out (unless you live somewhere other than California, in which case I'm so, so sorry. Go cry over your Five Guys or Waffle House).
• Abed Nadir goes to a community college and is clearly the most genius genius to ever genius, so there's that. 

Case proven. 

No, all sarcasm aside, I really do know plenty of community college students that aren't dumb. Myself, for instance (lolz jk no but for real). Most of us are just still figuring out what we want to do and who we want to be- for half the price and commitment level of a four-year school. 

If you're gearing up for community college this fall, don't be ashamed. You get out of college what you put into it, whether you're at Georgetown or Greendale. Study hard, party hard, and don't forget to check ratemyprofessor.com so you don't get stuck with the psycho Spanish teacher that doesn't even have a real teaching credential. 

And now for a small-bio-I-feel-is-necessary-since-this-is-my-first-blog-post: 

I go to Orange Coast College, a community college in Southern California right outside my neighborhood. I started going last year even though I was still in high school (dual enrollment is a beautiful thing, folks) and so even though I'm technically going into my freshman year, I'm not fresh meat. Our school's mascot is the Pirate, hence the name "Pirates Anonymous". I'm an undecided major and  have a tendency, to, over use, commas, so yell at me if I, need to, stop. Oh yeah, I'm a white, middle-class female if that's important to you. My mom thinks I'm hilarious.